SPEAKER BIG JDS HOLD FIRST PRESS CONFERENCE

Washington, D.C. - Big JDS was elected unanimously by House Republicans to serve as the Speaker of the House. “House Republicans are dedicated to protecting American pocketbooks, safety, and liberties. This includes pushing back against the lame duck President we have in the White House.” He specifically mentioned his close partnerships with House Majority Leader Rosenkranz and Chairwoman Bondi, “Without Rosenkranz and Bondi, we wouldn’t be where we are today. America, let it be known that with these folks in charge you’re in damn good hands.” The Republican Conference proceeded to erupt in cheers. The Speaker was later pressed on Leftist efforts to cut funding for American farmers and agriculture sectors. “This will destroy the average American farmer. I ask the Left to propose their ideas about resolving national debt to defer to Republican leadership. The American people gave us their trust to maintain a check-and-balance on the White House and we plan on upholding that trust.”