Ben Harrison made my grandma cry

Ben Harrison, the local Minnesota lunatic who goes round telling kids that Santa isn’t real, is running to be the next President of the United States. Mr Harrison, the owner of General Electric’s which has reportedly been a front for illegal fake anti-fat pills, has portrayed himself as a family man. Yet one elderly woman, a veteran of all US armed conflicts since the American Revolution, claims otherwise. Ivana Humpalot, a 92 year old civil war veteran who’s donated half of her organs to Mother Teresa when she was alive, was brought to tears after Ben Harrison canvassed at her door. According to Ms Humpalot, Mr Harrison called her a hag. We have reached out to the Harrison campaign for a comment. However, we were instead met with a Chinese Sweatshop hotline, whom call themselves “Harrison productions”. Is Mr Harrison the family man he claims to be or does he make sweet grandmas cry and use child labor?