NEW STATESMEN: "KISSINGERCRATS ON THE RISE"

New Furth, MI - New Statesmen reporters took to the streets of Michigan today to record a series of events with the recently touring Alfred Kissinger. Kissinger, a newcomer to the Republican Party, has dominated the midwestern state; multiple victories have notched the House further and further into the Republican lurch. These "Kissingercrats" spend their days mostly sipping Wisconsin Brandy, touting a "return to strength" policy, and vehemently endorsing renuclearization in the armed forces and a reignition of the Arms Race. Alfred Kissinger took a moment to comment to reporters, stating: "I believe [in] fundamental values.. values that are necessary to the stabilization... of America. We need nuclear weapons for deterrence. We must support Israel. We must be wary of the certain climate Democratic leadership has left us in.. and we must be wary of entanglements which do not aid in vivid and articulate negotiation." Kissingercrats are set to dominate the 2032 Michigan elections.